Fernweh

I have a tendency to struggle to openly share the places of my heart that my mind constantly wanders to.  It is difficult to let people in; sometimes I refuse to let those familiar to me in because the conversation brings insecurity to the thoughts and longings of the heart.  I can easily hide behind my story in words- I can gather my thoughts allowing the light to shine through the cracks without interruption and words of reason.

The candles are burning filling the house with a lovely smell as my beef stew cooks in the crock pot while the snow continues to blanket the town.  The kids are nestled on the couch, finding comfort in the story line of Stuart Little.  Looking around, my life, my family- is all wonderful and there is not a stitch to complain about.  Mr. F continues to send flutters into my stomach and the kids- as always- keep me happily on my toes.  We have acquired friends that have quickly become family. I left Morocco for reasons close to the heart. Incredibly different than those reasons why I left America in the first place- but reason enough to make America my home again.  My family is finally whole again as we spent the past year across the oceans, meeting in foreign places throughout the year, then splitting apart once again.  All in which we knew was temporary in one way or another.  Wrapping my arms around Mr. F and Chad again, feeling their hearts beat with excitement made me feel at home again.  But- you know the saying right? "Home is wherever your heart is set in stone."  It isn't where you lay your head or where you rest your bones.  As long as you are with the ones you love- it doesn't matter where you go.

Still I long for foreign and the strange.  Oddly, I find I am homesick for places I have never been. Living abroad opened up opportunity for travel.  My senses never dulled and I was constantly lost in wonder; watching the world grow larger with every experience.  I gladly offered myself up to the unknown and found that my eyes constantly lifted to the horizon- finding serenity in the constant change of sights and sounds.  It is almost as if you discovered you were born very far away from where you are supposed to be.  Traveling, experiencing and expanding oneself- creating new dreams have brought me closer to home.  

I do not want to take trips or vacations.  Fernweh is an ache for constant travel.  It is to be homesick to places you have never been.  I find that I have this constant ache because my decision to fly last year has left marks on my memory, my heart, my body but most of all on my consciousness.  

So, do you create disaster to expand the palette that paints our lives?  To fill it with richness and continue discover untouched places in my family's hearts?  To allow the journey to unfold while sleeping under unfamiliar stars?  To have no station- just flirt with life forever?  

Of course you do.  Living in comfort isn't what life is about anyway.  We live for the moments we can't put into words.  If this comes at a risk and leaving a little piece of us behind- then we shall pick up those pieces along the way.  Travel is worth any cost or sacrifice.  

The world awaits, so please sweep us away to experiences it's offerings:)

xo

Lex