What you will see is that the first wall in the entryway of our home is covered with my two children's artwork from home and school. My white tile floors are dirty until our cleaner comes to clean once a week. (Let's admit, it isn't just the tile floors... bathrooms, bedrooms, stoves... it is ALL dirty 15 minutes after the cleaner leaves until she comes the following week). My children dance, cook, and eat with me in the kitchen. We have accidental scrapes on the wall from rolling in the chair. Our pouffes have a consistant home next to the coffee table for coloring and artwork. The most expensive paint I have ever bought (imported crayola) is nearly gone because we use and paint with our hands and fingers freely. My kids ride their scooters in the house (gasp!). My refrigerator is littered with impromptu drawings, alphabet magnets, and Christmas cards from friends. There is shredded cheese on the floor from the little fingers eating it straight from the bag. You will notice that rarely is anything in its place.
Unfortunately, it has taken a lot of life lessons to teach me that THIS is the exact way I want to live my one life. At the ripe age of 18, I thought that I wanted to live my life with the white picket fence, the dog, the newest, the latest, the cleanest, the matching, the vision of perfection because it would mean I was living perfection. What I learned quickly is that the vision of perfection can often be FAR from happiness. At 29, I made the most rational decision there was- and decided to move my family across the world to discover this. Only then did I really understand my epiphany with complete understanding.
Now, to top off discovering my happiness in living with each breath with a minimized nearly unplugged life, I have also discovered that I am who I am. I have come to terms with the fact that I do not have to please, like or be liked by everybody. I have thought about past and current friendships realizing that there are just some people out there that we choose to let go of because purely and simply, it is not a relationship that is healthy for our own being or they type of person we find happiness in associating with. I am fully aware that in the past I have inquired and asked people's opinions regarding decisions I needed to make and I confided in individuals some of my struggles and secrets. Unfortunately, it usually ended with wishing I had never said nor asked anything. These days, I have one confidant- he happens to be my best friend, my partner, the most incredible father to a little girl who lights up my world, and an amazing man to my beautiful and kindhearted son. We choose who we let in and know the delicate parts of our hearts and the deepest parts of our soul. I am also fully aware that people have strong opinions about me and my decision to move my family across the world. Some have decided to live vicariously through me, others have decided to be in shock, others have disagreed with the sacrifices we made in order to make this opportunity a reality for my entire family.
I initially cared about all of these opinions. What would people think? What would they say? What are people thinking? What are people saying? Well, now I honestly just don't care. Keep in mind I say this with the best intentions although it comes across as possibly inconsiderate or rude. But here is why I find myself not caring about other's opinions about my life:
I have one life to live. I am truly living it. Yes, my life comes with a daily grind which includes groceries, transporting, work, doctor's visits, bedtime routines... but it also includes time to stop, time to breath, time to play, time to dance, time to paint, time to talk, time to read, time to laugh, time to appreciate all the wonderful that surrounds me; all parts of my life I seemed to be missing before. There exists an overwhelming amount of choices in our world and decisions we feel forced to make at such a young age-- plans to make pertaining to stability, responsibility and future well being. Somewhere along that road, not knowing what your plans were for the next ten years was a sign of irresponsibility. Why? Why does living in today with happiness, with question about the next couple years mean instability? In my eyes, it means opportunity. I have discovered that I enjoy a life that is made with open plans and opportunity for life to HAPPEN. In my life that has come with immense sacrifice and purposeful change. However, I have had the opportunity to live for the moment with my children alongside me. I have exposed my children to several cultures in a mere four months. I have taken my children to live in Africa in an Arabic culture where they are constantly kissed, cherished and smiled at by complete strangers as we walk home from the bakery or doctor or grocery store. I have taken them to Paris to see, touch, and hear about history that our American culture is missing. I have danced in front of the kitchen window with a two year old in a princess skirt because she wanted to... in the middle of my cooking extravaganza for the week. I have looked deep into my son's eyes and had conversations with him regarding questions he had about differences in people. I have taught, loved, played, celebrated, and impacted children from all over the world in my one classroom of twelve. I choose to let my life 'let it be as it is' because it is beautiful just the way it is.
I do not write this blog post to criticize the way anyone has chosen to live their life. Instead I write this blog post to commend you if you are living your one life you WANT to be living. Even if for you, that means the white picket fence and the dog playing fetch. Maybe, instead, this blogpost got you to think about what you really want to be doing with your one life. Maybe you aren't there yet. That is okay because essentially it has taken me 30 years to really even begin to understand my journey and in those 30 years, I made a lot of mistakes, learned a lot from those mistakes, and I continue to make mistakes and continue to learn. I am still learning who I am and still discovering exactly what makes me- well- me. In however you may be living, just make sure you are living the way you want to be living with those you love alongside you.
Cheers to 2014; Another year filled with opportunity.
Live it.
Much love from my family to yours.
xo
Lex
I miss you tremendously, but I love you and your family for ever and always...no matter what! Mom
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